Kennedy: I was recently faced with a harsh reality that relationships never stay the same. What does that mean?!
I am a hopeless romantic who thought that the beginning of a relationship can, and always will, remain the same. Boy was I fooled! Marylyn has showed me there is so much more involved when you find that “one” person that challenges you, loves and accepts who you are, and more than ever—drives you crazy!
I have been in relationship after relationship that failed either because I wasn’t ready, she was straight and wouldn’t be “out,” or because there simply was no substance behind the first couple months of sex and infatuation.
As women, we are emotional creatures, and for me, I played off of their emotions and the fact that they were into me—and that was it! Later, I realized there were no brains behind the operation... physical chemistry quickly faded, and reality set in... Eight months later, there I was, trying to find my way out! My therapist explained it as such:
- The relationships where lust and sexual drive are super apparent right from the start, are usually just that; sex. Someone to fill your need at that time. In most cases, these relationships are not long lasting.
On the flip side, the relationships where things are intense and attraction and interaction are there, seem to be the ones where sexual and emotional depth doesn’t comes easy. The ones that last are the relationships that take time to perfect; improving mental aspects and gaining understanding when it comes to one another’s Love Language.
These are the ones that make the fight worth it. These are the ones that keep you interested and engaged, wanting more, and truly wanting to be there… Working and striving to be better, together!
Marilyn often says “there are constant peaks and valleys in any healthy/functioning relationship and life.” You mean, we’re not in the honeymoon phase forever?
For some reason, we’ve noticed in the SLC “Scene,” lesbians go through more relationships than socks! And to top it off, they hook up with their best friend’s ex, venture off to other circles of lesbians and invade their lives, or just go back and forth for months—or even years—with their previous relationship.
What is it about us women that makes us think the grass is greener on the other side? We often do not set ourselves up for success, either by staying in something for too long, or not really giving it a fair fight from the get go. **Remember our vantage point may be very different from yours*
Commitment!
When I met Marilyn I was unsure, out of fear, and made some choices that didn’t always boast confidence in our relationship. Luckily she was different; she was bold, upfront, and honest. She showed me the difference between “her” and “them” (them being my past relationships). I struggled with boundaries because I was so used to the way our community, at times, misrepresented them. (Boundaries: what imaginary line exists? Depending on Intention of either party, matters. What is going too far or unacceptable when you’re in a relationship? Many times I found myself having to ask “How would I feel if Marilyn was doing or allowing these same types of things to happen?”) And finally, trust. “Who can you trust,” I thought.
Marylyn has taught me a lot. She taught me a relationship is about meeting each other half way, she showed the best form of patience that she was capable of, and ultimately, she showed me love in a way no other was ever willing to do. Good or bad she fought for us and I fought for her.
To my surprise we are still fighting. Fighting to improve, understand, and take the good with the bad when it comes to growth. I am not the easiest person to be with, but I have met my match. She is by my side through it all and has shown commitment and dedication to us and our lives together.
When you find that one person that will put up with the things that others will not, care to have the uncomfortable conversations that come with ANY relationship, truly wants to be better (as well as assisting you in being better), makes you feel loved in the most surprising moments, and you can truly be you with—Commitment is necessary to make it work.
Our biggest lessons learned are the following:
1. Understand your role in the problem and take accountability when it comes to action.
2. My needs aren’t the only needs that should be met.
3. Relationships are a full-time job, but when worked at with love and compassion, there is a sense of approval.
4. If worse comes to worse, only then can you walk away holding your head high, knowing you gave it all you could.
So I ask you… do you know where you fall short in your relationship?
Yours Truly,
Kennedy—Monroe
