"Where there is love there is life."

The only strength you need is the strength you have within.

Weakness is not flawed by emotions, but it is fueled by vulnerability.  To open your heart and reach out for strength is powerful.  People are fueled by life's purpose when most of us do not even know how to create our own life.  What if I told you hitting rock bottom is just the Universe telling you to look up?

Stop looking down and open your eyes to what is surrounding you.

Over the past 2 months I have faced a personal journey and a test of the heart.  To experience loss, disappointment, betrayal, fear, love, opportunity, change, gratitude and mindfullness.. The list goes on and on.  I did not know how I would survive this storm that passed through my life....but what is beautiful is that I have.  True strength comes from letting down the walls and allowing the love surrounding you to be your savior.  My family and friends have provided me with with love and insight that has helped "my so called life" become brighter and new.  I found a piece of me  that was missing for years, it stood beside my life and i thought this life I had was, "just how it was supposed to be."  Clarity is no joke and shit.... it is enlightening and critically important to any healing process. 

I have not chosen a life of suffering and pain but I chose once again to live my life through love. 

Where do I begin?

April 20, 2014 my life changed and the Universe knocked me flat on my back.    Yes, if you are good with holidays, it was Easter Sunday and that day I began to live.  The pain that flooded through me was not of suffering, but of disappointment in myself for allowing my heart to lead without any set boundary.  I had built up an immunity to accept the things that I should not, and live a life that was not condusive to what I fully was capable of achieving.  However, I am not going to share what was lost on this day because we only lose things that we truely had complete control over --which is not much at times.  So I would like to talk about what I have gained. 

It is simple...I gained the best gift I could ever give to anyone and that is "ME." 

What is ME?  Let me fill you in on a little tip.  Finding yourself is the best gift that God can grant us on this earth because.... guess what?  We only live once!  You lose yourself in moments, life and love, but we often forget to really dig down deep and fulfill the only thing necessary which is ME.  It is not defined as selfish to love yourself first, but we usually end up putting ourself last in this catagory.  More often than not we completely forget that we have a place in this race.  Well that is exactly what happened. 

It all came tumbling down to build a stronger foundation of what is necessary and allowed in my space I call life. 

The hard knocks of what we experience build a thicker layer of awareness and self-love.  A friend once told me that when tragedy or any pain is fresh; its like a cut, it may leave a mark but through that time of healing, it will continue to reopen and heal over and over again until it is ready to build a scar.  --Yes I know, this is  some deep shit. :)

Opening my heart and my mind has humbled my approach and outlook on how I should live. 

First, I had to realize that we often treat others not as we wish to see in return but out of what "feels good" in the moment. 

What for?

For the thrill of the chase, a moment of opportunity, a selfish motive or just for one single decision that may change you forever.  No matter what "I" decide is right or wrong, it does not mean I should hold everyone else accountable to the same standard.  The difference between you and I is that we have the right to choose our own path and action.  This is a hard one...  We as individual minds choose every single day to live life exactly as we see fit.  But let me share an interesting discovery..... When I made the decision to leave my heart open and to not shield myself because of how it hurt, I was able to heal and build a strength that allowed me to love myself first.  This strength has been a guide, allowing me to open up the tunnel that I have been traveling and walk through the door that leads to the field of endless opportunity.

I CANNOT CONTROL ANYONE BUT ME-- this is hard.  I am controlling... yes surprise, I like to have what I want.  I can safely say that this is the case for most, but please correct me if I am wrong in this matter. 

God placed us on earth not to be alone but to love.  We travel through our life paving memories and a legacy we will once leave behind.  How are you leading your life?  We live in a world that promotes love, a love that is taken very lightly and treated as a replaceable commodity.  Hmmm.. Things that make you wonder? 

Here is what may be twisted around about this so called LOVE.

The love you give will be that of what you receive.  Love a little more and live a life flooded by the hearts of others.  Interesting concept I think Gandhi said it best...“Where there is love there is life.”  People do not live, they just hope and pray that things will work. 

 

Why not live a little and love a little more and then define that as life? 

 

So... it is safe to say that life's so called tragedies can be turned into a life opportunity that just makes you humbled and gracious for the experience. Even though my Easter may never be the same, it will be a reminder of ME and that is the best gift. 

--Jack

#lerv

 

 

Acceptance

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.  They must be felt with the heart."  Helen Keller

My journey in life has been such an amazing and triumphant battle.  The strangest part to me is that the battle most of the time is with myself.  I can place blame, or look for comfort but I can only take care of "me."  I have walked through life as a romantic, optimist, pessimist, as an idiot, blind, through God's eyes,  leading with my heart and now I find I live more realistically with eyes wide open than ever before and more than I would like sometimes.

There is no wrong or right answer to most of my own questions, but its how I deliver the question and find the answers determines the quality of my outcomes.  Through observation, feedback, fights with friends, family, and girlfriend, reality checks and many more avenues I have come to a realization that just because you see yourself in a certain light does not mean others do as well.  Everyone is different.

How do we create a better understanding of ourselves to others? 

The beautiful fact of life is that, we are all individuals, from our internal wiring, experience, education, work , beliefs, routines, etc.   The very essence of what makes us different creates a gap and difference between 2 people.  Relationships take years to develop, maintain, and make successful.  However in one simple moment, the same moment you gain pure clarity and understanding, the next moment can be on another journey to gain a better grasp on what you just one moment ago thought you really understood.

Acceptance is by far the hardest concept to wrap your entire mind around.  I want it my way and you want it your way, we may meet in the middle but we may fight until we have a "win."  Healthy acceptance needs to start with selflessness and a open heart.  We are conditioned to dominate our own thoughts and less often show empathy towards a message or circumstance.  But, this does not come easy; it is followed by blood, sweat and tears. 

How do you live your life and  practice acceptance? 

Accept yourself because no one else will until then.  Find pure and utter surrender to enable yourself to learn, trust and accept the differences we have that makes us unique individuals.  We may lose ourselves from time to time, but the outcome will end in a learning experience and growth.

Stay true to yourself.

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."  Nicholas Sparks

“None but ourselves can free our minds.” - Bob Marley

One week in and its been a tough challenge. 

"Positive Mindset."

Realization-  It is much easier to be a negative person, look down instead of up, point a finger, poke and jab to defend youself.  Just like its easy to be overweight because fast food is cheaper and I'm just too busy to go to the gym.  Excuses!  We do what is easy and we do what feels good even if it as the expense of another but especially at the expense of yourself.... 

Think about this...  Putting your best intention forward allows you to lead with integrity and to be looked at as honerable.  Taking every moment and turning it towards the best outcome and looking towards that positive piece of every encounter will create; self love, understanding, positive energy, happiness, and the list really can go on and on.  This part is not easy!!

It is easier to not worry about myself, preach to others about how "I" think their life should be and not face myself every single day.  The easy way out is boring.

I notice when changing my frame of thought your mind wonders more than one would like.  We have such powerful minds and it can be used to create two things;  pain or pleasure.  When my mind creates pain the reasoning behind these visions or thoughts reflect all of my FEAR.  I never realized how much fear I actually have and instead of facing myself and my fear I create realistic ideas of "what if" situations.  Does this make sense?????  Tony Robbins, talks about our minds and physiology of thinking.  We believe what our minds tell us, how we feel creates that emotional reaction and what we think is what we believe.  Even if our thoughts aren't real, the way those thoughts make us react and feel makes it an emotional reality. 
 
I learn about myself every day, but this experience has been one that is not only eye opening but a big reality check. 

I often make excuses for people, myself, a situation and in turn negatively look at a situation and leave it making me feel down or negatively impacted.  How do I get out of this habit???  Change my feelings and thought patterns that take me to the, "dark place."  This "dark place" is not ugly or forbidden territory, but it is easy.  Easy to fall into that pattern of as mentioned earlier of placing blame.  If we constantly placed a mirror infront of every accusation, negative slur, or pointed finger how would you react? 

It is easy and comfortable to try and control a situation, or let the negativity and misery rule your thoughts, action and overall being.  When are we ever satisfied?  I have allowed myself to look and project so far in the future that sometimes what is right in the moment does not receive the credit deserved.  Recently throught thie awakening and "challenge," living in the moment takes away the security of tomorrow but allows you to feel and appreciate what you have and feel more love than imagined.  Its amazing how one focus can effect all aspects of your life.   

Defining the Challenge

I do not believe in resolutions, I like to look at every day as a new opportunity for change and to continually improve on all levels. I have focused on mental clarity, breaking down myself from every angel with therapy, journal entries, growing, falling, etc. I think you get the idea. Now its time to change my physiology and create "habits" that will change my life forever.

http://zenhabits.net/7-little-habits-that-can-change-your-life-and-how-to-form-them/

In short- I have made a list of 7 habits that can change my life and here are the steps to be taken in this challenge.

Do a 30-day challenge, focusing on just ONE habit.

Write it out on paper, along with your motivations, obstacles, and strategies for overcoming them.

Commit fully, in a public way.

Log your progress.

Remain publicly accountable — report on your progress each day.

Have support for when you falter — either in real life or online.

Reward every little success.

If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again.

Here we go......

My 7 habits:

1. Develop positive thinking
2. Daily routine
3. Follow through
4. Standards
5. Self-worth
6. Kindness
7. Exercise
We are going to start with #1.

Develop positive thinking:

With positive thinking I allow myself to focus and better control myself emotionally, physically and mentally. My mind will be stronger and grow towards a unrelenting positive attitude. I will become a better partner, with emotional and mental strength that allows me to notice the negative and only allow positive influences in my life. Positive thinking will allow me to “squash” my demons of the past and present creating a stronger foundation for me to continue to grow and learn.

Motives:
1. Become mentally stronger.
2. Change my physiology of thinking.
3. Look towards the best in situations.
4. Create greater outcomes.
5. Happiness.
6. Better relationships.

Obstacles:
1. Outside negative influences.
2. Negative thoughts and feelings.
3. Allowing the negative to control my feelings.
4. Wallowing.
5. Knowing when to let go of the negative.
6. Strength to consistently stay positive.

Strategy:
1. “Squash” negative thoughts.
2. Turn negatives into positives.
3. Write down what triggers my negative thoughts and be more aware.
4. See the positive in situations.
5. Gratitude journal.
6. Control my emotions.
“The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.” Dalai Lama

**I am going to use this blogging community as a log, accountability and an open ear to feedback. Please feel free to join me and take this 30 day journey towards a new perspective.

Operation Christmas Child

**Operation Christmas Child**
Pack a shoe box is back...
If you're interested in giving back to children in need this Christmas, this is a perfect opportunity.

You pack a shoe box with school items, little toys, hygiene items, etc. I have packets that provide what and how to pack your box, as well as instructions re where to take them and how to track them to your child.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

Look up, it has more to offer.

The Selfish Agenda.

I get confused by the balance of loving, giving, taking, receiving, and expecting.  Often ends with a feeling of disappointment. 

You know that feeling that burns inside your chest and flushes your skin a light shade of pink with a tint of green from disgust?  I tend to live expecting the disappointment and not holding accountability on the forefront of my expectations.  Our human nature leads us towards a dark hole at times.  The only thing we see is what hurts us, what we don’t like, the ugly, the bad the plain exhausting negativity over our head. 

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?
 

When I am wrong I sell the reason behind the emotion.  I will manipulate and ease my way into agreement with whoever is involved.  What an ugly habit.  We are human!  It feels far more satisfying to be right than to be wrong, even if we are doing it out of spite or out of self pity.  I cannot express the ugly behind the reason or action but I do know that we are inclined to look down instead of up when it comes to progression.  This is not true for everyone or every situation but as we all know, when it rains it pours. 

1. When getting upset we do not think of the 782 great things that happened before that very moment, but the one moment that created the bad.
2. There is no room for error when it comes to relationships.  When was the last time your partner made you upset or angry and you pointed out to yourself and to each other the last great moment or action they did before you had this negative feeling.  We instead start listing off out of our mental notebook all the other things that either 'bug' or 'irritate' us.  This my friend is called the jabbing and low blows.  We do not account for the good but focus on the bad. 
3. You wake up and stub your toe, the coffee you made is not at its best, your car needs gas, and you are late for a meeting at work.  As soon as you set foot in the door of your workplace you choose to talk about the bad as soon as the first victim decides to listen to your ranting and negative attitude.  Have you thought about the fact that just because you are having a bad day, doesn't mean sharing it will make it any better.  If anything, it will allow others to fall into the pattern of your day and create more misery that will continue to surround you throughout the day.

We act on a selfish reaction and negative response than to take the time to appreciate the many great moments that were slightly interrupted by just one wrong move. 

Trust me when I say I am first to admit fault here!  I am a mirror of my lesson. 

We often times choose to sit in our sorrows and to dwell on the pain and so called “suffering.”  How do we live with ourselves when all we can see if the imperfections of every move and every moment?  I know this seems a bit like a 'downer' but I've experienced some very unique encounters and situations that have shed some light on how we as people work from time to time.   I received a call from my "Wifey" today and she expressed to me that stress can cause unnecessary outbursts.  I asked "why?"  She said, "I experienced my co worker blowing up at me and pulling out all the stops."  What she took from this conversation is a learning experience. 

• How do I come across when I blow up?  I don't like how it feels so I need to be more aware.
• I need to be aware of my stress and how it affects the ones I love.  Daughter, partner, family, etc.
• How can I have approached this differently?

What is my point?

This is a prime example of selflessness.  Often times we react because we want our point to be persuading and right.  How do we look at the bigger picture and realize that we need to create an un-bias opinion and stand behind ourselves but keep an open mind and ear? With practice of patience and selflessness. 

I choose to be happy and I choose to great not because I look at the upside of life but because I am human and can recognize my mistakes before they become the problem. 

Its not easy. 

Do you recall the story of the man that ran a race and half way through that race he felt a rock in his shoe?  Many runners would just finish the race and not stop because they don't want to be beat out or passed by others, or they think it will prove a point of courage and dedication.  What did the runner do?  The runner took the rock out of his shoe because it caused irritation, some pain and it was not logical to continue the race feeling uncomfortable.

The answer is as easy as the story of the runner.

Choose to win the race without the rock in your shoe.