"Where there is love there is life."

The only strength you need is the strength you have within.

Weakness is not flawed by emotions, but it is fueled by vulnerability.  To open your heart and reach out for strength is powerful.  People are fueled by life's purpose when most of us do not even know how to create our own life.  What if I told you hitting rock bottom is just the Universe telling you to look up?

Stop looking down and open your eyes to what is surrounding you.

Over the past 2 months I have faced a personal journey and a test of the heart.  To experience loss, disappointment, betrayal, fear, love, opportunity, change, gratitude and mindfullness.. The list goes on and on.  I did not know how I would survive this storm that passed through my life....but what is beautiful is that I have.  True strength comes from letting down the walls and allowing the love surrounding you to be your savior.  My family and friends have provided me with with love and insight that has helped "my so called life" become brighter and new.  I found a piece of me  that was missing for years, it stood beside my life and i thought this life I had was, "just how it was supposed to be."  Clarity is no joke and shit.... it is enlightening and critically important to any healing process. 

I have not chosen a life of suffering and pain but I chose once again to live my life through love. 

Where do I begin?

April 20, 2014 my life changed and the Universe knocked me flat on my back.    Yes, if you are good with holidays, it was Easter Sunday and that day I began to live.  The pain that flooded through me was not of suffering, but of disappointment in myself for allowing my heart to lead without any set boundary.  I had built up an immunity to accept the things that I should not, and live a life that was not condusive to what I fully was capable of achieving.  However, I am not going to share what was lost on this day because we only lose things that we truely had complete control over --which is not much at times.  So I would like to talk about what I have gained. 

It is simple...I gained the best gift I could ever give to anyone and that is "ME." 

What is ME?  Let me fill you in on a little tip.  Finding yourself is the best gift that God can grant us on this earth because.... guess what?  We only live once!  You lose yourself in moments, life and love, but we often forget to really dig down deep and fulfill the only thing necessary which is ME.  It is not defined as selfish to love yourself first, but we usually end up putting ourself last in this catagory.  More often than not we completely forget that we have a place in this race.  Well that is exactly what happened. 

It all came tumbling down to build a stronger foundation of what is necessary and allowed in my space I call life. 

The hard knocks of what we experience build a thicker layer of awareness and self-love.  A friend once told me that when tragedy or any pain is fresh; its like a cut, it may leave a mark but through that time of healing, it will continue to reopen and heal over and over again until it is ready to build a scar.  --Yes I know, this is  some deep shit. :)

Opening my heart and my mind has humbled my approach and outlook on how I should live. 

First, I had to realize that we often treat others not as we wish to see in return but out of what "feels good" in the moment. 

What for?

For the thrill of the chase, a moment of opportunity, a selfish motive or just for one single decision that may change you forever.  No matter what "I" decide is right or wrong, it does not mean I should hold everyone else accountable to the same standard.  The difference between you and I is that we have the right to choose our own path and action.  This is a hard one...  We as individual minds choose every single day to live life exactly as we see fit.  But let me share an interesting discovery..... When I made the decision to leave my heart open and to not shield myself because of how it hurt, I was able to heal and build a strength that allowed me to love myself first.  This strength has been a guide, allowing me to open up the tunnel that I have been traveling and walk through the door that leads to the field of endless opportunity.

I CANNOT CONTROL ANYONE BUT ME-- this is hard.  I am controlling... yes surprise, I like to have what I want.  I can safely say that this is the case for most, but please correct me if I am wrong in this matter. 

God placed us on earth not to be alone but to love.  We travel through our life paving memories and a legacy we will once leave behind.  How are you leading your life?  We live in a world that promotes love, a love that is taken very lightly and treated as a replaceable commodity.  Hmmm.. Things that make you wonder? 

Here is what may be twisted around about this so called LOVE.

The love you give will be that of what you receive.  Love a little more and live a life flooded by the hearts of others.  Interesting concept I think Gandhi said it best...“Where there is love there is life.”  People do not live, they just hope and pray that things will work. 

 

Why not live a little and love a little more and then define that as life? 

 

So... it is safe to say that life's so called tragedies can be turned into a life opportunity that just makes you humbled and gracious for the experience. Even though my Easter may never be the same, it will be a reminder of ME and that is the best gift. 

--Jack

#lerv

 

 

Acceptance

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.  They must be felt with the heart."  Helen Keller

My journey in life has been such an amazing and triumphant battle.  The strangest part to me is that the battle most of the time is with myself.  I can place blame, or look for comfort but I can only take care of "me."  I have walked through life as a romantic, optimist, pessimist, as an idiot, blind, through God's eyes,  leading with my heart and now I find I live more realistically with eyes wide open than ever before and more than I would like sometimes.

There is no wrong or right answer to most of my own questions, but its how I deliver the question and find the answers determines the quality of my outcomes.  Through observation, feedback, fights with friends, family, and girlfriend, reality checks and many more avenues I have come to a realization that just because you see yourself in a certain light does not mean others do as well.  Everyone is different.

How do we create a better understanding of ourselves to others? 

The beautiful fact of life is that, we are all individuals, from our internal wiring, experience, education, work , beliefs, routines, etc.   The very essence of what makes us different creates a gap and difference between 2 people.  Relationships take years to develop, maintain, and make successful.  However in one simple moment, the same moment you gain pure clarity and understanding, the next moment can be on another journey to gain a better grasp on what you just one moment ago thought you really understood.

Acceptance is by far the hardest concept to wrap your entire mind around.  I want it my way and you want it your way, we may meet in the middle but we may fight until we have a "win."  Healthy acceptance needs to start with selflessness and a open heart.  We are conditioned to dominate our own thoughts and less often show empathy towards a message or circumstance.  But, this does not come easy; it is followed by blood, sweat and tears. 

How do you live your life and  practice acceptance? 

Accept yourself because no one else will until then.  Find pure and utter surrender to enable yourself to learn, trust and accept the differences we have that makes us unique individuals.  We may lose ourselves from time to time, but the outcome will end in a learning experience and growth.

Stay true to yourself.

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."  Nicholas Sparks

Is it real or is it a fantasy?

I believe in love...

Do you?

Not your generic love buta love that can only be defined by two people. (An exclusive love.)

Or.. In my case her and I.

I find that my heart andmy mind are not always in sync.  That whatI think is right and what others think is not always the same.   My idea of love and how it works is often verydifferent but from a select few. 

Iremember watching this movie with Sandra Bullock “While you were sleeping.”  I fell for the love story not because of theplot or the love story between Sandra and the brother, but because the way itmade me feel.  I ran to my Mom and said, “Iwant to have love like that one day.”  Shelaughed and asked me, “why?”  I said, “Iwant someone to want me and love me the way he loves her.”

So simple and so easy!  I remember the feeling and the hope that Ihad. 

I recognize that I havebeen molded by fantasy.  It is not myfault I watch love stories at a young age. I have always had this idea that love lasts because it stays new and itstays exciting and it stays so many things.

Well my friends I am nowpushing 30 and have finally realized a thing or two.

I realize that if youlook into the past and what it “was” you will never know how amazing it is “now”or even what it can “be.”  I have taken ajourney through my mind and through my heart and see that they are not sodifferent. 

My mind just stores morememories while my heart carries the weight of the experience.  Together in unanimity,  I can appreciate the moments that sparked loveand interest, the feelings I felt in the moment and that simple gift of smilingand living in the moment. 

Moments pass and love willgrow; we often let it pass us by because we hoped for what “was.”  The real truth is, what is right now and howwe can make the best of each day because it is a gift and a memory that will bestamped in our minds and weighed in our hearts forever.

This is my perfect fantasy.

“None but ourselves can free our minds.” - Bob Marley

One week in and its been a tough challenge. 

"Positive Mindset."

Realization-  It is much easier to be a negative person, look down instead of up, point a finger, poke and jab to defend youself.  Just like its easy to be overweight because fast food is cheaper and I'm just too busy to go to the gym.  Excuses!  We do what is easy and we do what feels good even if it as the expense of another but especially at the expense of yourself.... 

Think about this...  Putting your best intention forward allows you to lead with integrity and to be looked at as honerable.  Taking every moment and turning it towards the best outcome and looking towards that positive piece of every encounter will create; self love, understanding, positive energy, happiness, and the list really can go on and on.  This part is not easy!!

It is easier to not worry about myself, preach to others about how "I" think their life should be and not face myself every single day.  The easy way out is boring.

I notice when changing my frame of thought your mind wonders more than one would like.  We have such powerful minds and it can be used to create two things;  pain or pleasure.  When my mind creates pain the reasoning behind these visions or thoughts reflect all of my FEAR.  I never realized how much fear I actually have and instead of facing myself and my fear I create realistic ideas of "what if" situations.  Does this make sense?????  Tony Robbins, talks about our minds and physiology of thinking.  We believe what our minds tell us, how we feel creates that emotional reaction and what we think is what we believe.  Even if our thoughts aren't real, the way those thoughts make us react and feel makes it an emotional reality. 
 
I learn about myself every day, but this experience has been one that is not only eye opening but a big reality check. 

I often make excuses for people, myself, a situation and in turn negatively look at a situation and leave it making me feel down or negatively impacted.  How do I get out of this habit???  Change my feelings and thought patterns that take me to the, "dark place."  This "dark place" is not ugly or forbidden territory, but it is easy.  Easy to fall into that pattern of as mentioned earlier of placing blame.  If we constantly placed a mirror infront of every accusation, negative slur, or pointed finger how would you react? 

It is easy and comfortable to try and control a situation, or let the negativity and misery rule your thoughts, action and overall being.  When are we ever satisfied?  I have allowed myself to look and project so far in the future that sometimes what is right in the moment does not receive the credit deserved.  Recently throught thie awakening and "challenge," living in the moment takes away the security of tomorrow but allows you to feel and appreciate what you have and feel more love than imagined.  Its amazing how one focus can effect all aspects of your life.   

Defining the Challenge

I do not believe in resolutions, I like to look at every day as a new opportunity for change and to continually improve on all levels. I have focused on mental clarity, breaking down myself from every angel with therapy, journal entries, growing, falling, etc. I think you get the idea. Now its time to change my physiology and create "habits" that will change my life forever.

http://zenhabits.net/7-little-habits-that-can-change-your-life-and-how-to-form-them/

In short- I have made a list of 7 habits that can change my life and here are the steps to be taken in this challenge.

Do a 30-day challenge, focusing on just ONE habit.

Write it out on paper, along with your motivations, obstacles, and strategies for overcoming them.

Commit fully, in a public way.

Log your progress.

Remain publicly accountable — report on your progress each day.

Have support for when you falter — either in real life or online.

Reward every little success.

If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again.

Here we go......

My 7 habits:

1. Develop positive thinking
2. Daily routine
3. Follow through
4. Standards
5. Self-worth
6. Kindness
7. Exercise
We are going to start with #1.

Develop positive thinking:

With positive thinking I allow myself to focus and better control myself emotionally, physically and mentally. My mind will be stronger and grow towards a unrelenting positive attitude. I will become a better partner, with emotional and mental strength that allows me to notice the negative and only allow positive influences in my life. Positive thinking will allow me to “squash” my demons of the past and present creating a stronger foundation for me to continue to grow and learn.

Motives:
1. Become mentally stronger.
2. Change my physiology of thinking.
3. Look towards the best in situations.
4. Create greater outcomes.
5. Happiness.
6. Better relationships.

Obstacles:
1. Outside negative influences.
2. Negative thoughts and feelings.
3. Allowing the negative to control my feelings.
4. Wallowing.
5. Knowing when to let go of the negative.
6. Strength to consistently stay positive.

Strategy:
1. “Squash” negative thoughts.
2. Turn negatives into positives.
3. Write down what triggers my negative thoughts and be more aware.
4. See the positive in situations.
5. Gratitude journal.
6. Control my emotions.
“The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.” Dalai Lama

**I am going to use this blogging community as a log, accountability and an open ear to feedback. Please feel free to join me and take this 30 day journey towards a new perspective.

Control.

"Boredom No More"

Finally, the Official Top Ten Spiritual Ways to Defeat Boredom, Make Friends, Find Love, Trim Down, Shape Up, Discover Your Purpose, Make a Fortune, and Shine Your Light, are...

1. Take action.
2. Show up.
3. Lean into it.
4. Start anywhere.
5. Keep busy.
6. Get out more.
7. Ask for help.
8. Shake more hands.
9. Give more hugs.
10. Don't stop.

You were already visualizing, right?

Today,
The Universe

“A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.”

“A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.”

 

I see myself standing in a crowd, everyone is moving in one direction and I am bumping shoulders excusing myself for going against the flow of traffic. I keep fighting and fighting and fighting until I stand alone, no one coming or going.  In my heart I hoped a few would follow me, maybe even ask me where I was going. 

 

Why would anyone follow me if I do not create a reason to be followed? 

 

I stand alone in a crowd because I continue to stay facing the same direction and only thinking about going against the grain. Talking to the same people about the same things, arguing with my better half about the same dilemma and going no where.  May sound dramatic but its the truth.  I have realized that change does not come from time, but is created because you had the courage to stand for something and during that time was able to get through to at least one person.  I spend so much time and energy trying to change others because I have my own selfish opinion on how they should be.  My energy has been facing the wrong way this entire time.  I can only control myself and when I try to control others it is because I cannot face the fears of moving on or leaving behind the crowd to help change one person at a time. 

How do I get there and make this happen?  Create impact a "Big Boom," that others will follow and know that most people will speak of because it was such a huge "BOOM?" 

I have no plan of action!  I know that I strive for excellence and excellent is what my outcome will be.  I will judge no one but myself and hold myself accountable for today, look only for what I have in the now and leave yesterday where it belongs and look forward to tomorrow because today is soooo damn good that nothing but greatness can come from it, which as you see leads to tomorrow. 

I do not write these things to demand attention, I write them because when I am in need, I search for inspiration and when I find it, it often comes from someone else's excellence.  I am not always the wisest woman, but I do know that I feel connected towards helping others because there are times when others have helped me.  So I am going to turn that into wearing my heart on my sleeve, being as honest as I can be, and living my life the best way I can today.










 

 

Universe doing work.

If you only gave yourself credit for all the things you do that you do not give yourself credit for, you’d be astonished to learn how much you really do accomplish in a single day. Every single day.

That’s okay though, because I’m still "counting" all of it.

The Universe



Truth:

I have struggled with honesty and trust in the past.  In the present I have become versed from my actions, mistakes, and victories.  One fact that stands in front of this disheveled crowd of experiences is that the best intention always leads to the greater fruition.  You cannot be defined by the "ignoble" actions but how you are victorious the next time around. 

I fight with myself not because I am looking down on my actions, but because I expect more from the outcome I have received.  Where do we place the blame?  Place blame on yourself instead of so easily pointing a finger at those around you.  We tend to mirror our mistakes because we are afraid of the progress and the reality we may face from our monotonous patterns.  

"Fear" does us no favors.

We do ourselves the respect by facing ourself with honesty.   

 

Operation Christmas Child

**Operation Christmas Child**
Pack a shoe box is back...
If you're interested in giving back to children in need this Christmas, this is a perfect opportunity.

You pack a shoe box with school items, little toys, hygiene items, etc. I have packets that provide what and how to pack your box, as well as instructions re where to take them and how to track them to your child.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

Look up, it has more to offer.

The Selfish Agenda.

I get confused by the balance of loving, giving, taking, receiving, and expecting.  Often ends with a feeling of disappointment. 

You know that feeling that burns inside your chest and flushes your skin a light shade of pink with a tint of green from disgust?  I tend to live expecting the disappointment and not holding accountability on the forefront of my expectations.  Our human nature leads us towards a dark hole at times.  The only thing we see is what hurts us, what we don’t like, the ugly, the bad the plain exhausting negativity over our head. 

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?
 

When I am wrong I sell the reason behind the emotion.  I will manipulate and ease my way into agreement with whoever is involved.  What an ugly habit.  We are human!  It feels far more satisfying to be right than to be wrong, even if we are doing it out of spite or out of self pity.  I cannot express the ugly behind the reason or action but I do know that we are inclined to look down instead of up when it comes to progression.  This is not true for everyone or every situation but as we all know, when it rains it pours. 

1. When getting upset we do not think of the 782 great things that happened before that very moment, but the one moment that created the bad.
2. There is no room for error when it comes to relationships.  When was the last time your partner made you upset or angry and you pointed out to yourself and to each other the last great moment or action they did before you had this negative feeling.  We instead start listing off out of our mental notebook all the other things that either 'bug' or 'irritate' us.  This my friend is called the jabbing and low blows.  We do not account for the good but focus on the bad. 
3. You wake up and stub your toe, the coffee you made is not at its best, your car needs gas, and you are late for a meeting at work.  As soon as you set foot in the door of your workplace you choose to talk about the bad as soon as the first victim decides to listen to your ranting and negative attitude.  Have you thought about the fact that just because you are having a bad day, doesn't mean sharing it will make it any better.  If anything, it will allow others to fall into the pattern of your day and create more misery that will continue to surround you throughout the day.

We act on a selfish reaction and negative response than to take the time to appreciate the many great moments that were slightly interrupted by just one wrong move. 

Trust me when I say I am first to admit fault here!  I am a mirror of my lesson. 

We often times choose to sit in our sorrows and to dwell on the pain and so called “suffering.”  How do we live with ourselves when all we can see if the imperfections of every move and every moment?  I know this seems a bit like a 'downer' but I've experienced some very unique encounters and situations that have shed some light on how we as people work from time to time.   I received a call from my "Wifey" today and she expressed to me that stress can cause unnecessary outbursts.  I asked "why?"  She said, "I experienced my co worker blowing up at me and pulling out all the stops."  What she took from this conversation is a learning experience. 

• How do I come across when I blow up?  I don't like how it feels so I need to be more aware.
• I need to be aware of my stress and how it affects the ones I love.  Daughter, partner, family, etc.
• How can I have approached this differently?

What is my point?

This is a prime example of selflessness.  Often times we react because we want our point to be persuading and right.  How do we look at the bigger picture and realize that we need to create an un-bias opinion and stand behind ourselves but keep an open mind and ear? With practice of patience and selflessness. 

I choose to be happy and I choose to great not because I look at the upside of life but because I am human and can recognize my mistakes before they become the problem. 

Its not easy. 

Do you recall the story of the man that ran a race and half way through that race he felt a rock in his shoe?  Many runners would just finish the race and not stop because they don't want to be beat out or passed by others, or they think it will prove a point of courage and dedication.  What did the runner do?  The runner took the rock out of his shoe because it caused irritation, some pain and it was not logical to continue the race feeling uncomfortable.

The answer is as easy as the story of the runner.

Choose to win the race without the rock in your shoe. 

"Things do not happen. They are made to happen." - JFK

 

         


"Self Love"

Power of Intention.



Follow your heart and lead with your mind. 

 

 



Live as if....

Today a note from the Universe came to my inbox and said:

 

Live as if, Jackie.

Always,
The Universe

Well Mother Universe what does this mean? 

I will Live as if...

1. I'm richer than yesterday because today I have all I ever wanted.  
2. I only allow positive influences and energy into my life.
3. The grass is greener on the side that I am on because I take the time to nurture and tend to it no matter what the weather looks like... ;)  (Love you Miss Smith)
4. I love myself first because I matter before anyone else does.  (Within reason)
5. I am top of my company and a successful business woman.
6. My relationship with God has mended and I am aware of my path and reestablished faith.
7. My family is stronger than ever, my partner and I are one unit.
8. My mind is clear and sound.
9. I am the healthiest I have ever been and my fitness is continuing to improve.
10. I love every facet of my life because I create and work hard towards creating a great life.

I can live whatever life I imagine. 
Believe what I want to achieve and always move forward with the best intention. 
I am not a master of my mind but I am a master of my drive and  passion to be greater tomorrow than I am today.

How can you be greater tomorrow?  Even by the slightest progression, in my opinion baby steps build stronger foundations. 

Live as if....

How do you live? 

How do you see life?

“You make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing.”

 How do we find the willingness to be honest even if it means we don't like what we see in ourselves and others? We see the changes, and try to accept that we have to be made in order to walk in the light of that truth, authentically, and for the purpose of living a fuller, more honest,life.

We grow into ourselves and not always in a productive fashion. I described myself to my counselor as an adult with emotions like an adolescent. I love hard, feel every emotional and give until I'm spent. I look at myself and see someone who is damaged and reborn. I am harder on myself more than anyone else can ever be.  Not many have the chance to start over and realize that the flaws that made me ugly at one time have helped me rise into beauty and influence. After months of healing and realizing that I am not unbeatable and more obvious than anything, I have come to one true conclusion. 

“I am whoever I see myself to be.”

I have been faced with the greatest challenges, a new life, and a reality that is hard to face at times. I have not been able to look myself in the eye and see myself for who I truly am as a woman, friend, daughter, sister, and partner. To wake every day in your own sorrow and misery is not something I like to admit, but what I am proud of is what I have learned. I am far from healed and even further from finding out what my purpose may be, however I have built strength in my heart, mind and body that allows me to finally see myself unguarded and without the ugly wall of doubt. 

"Without suffering I would not have been given the gift of this reawakening. "

Truth looks directly at us every day, but we tend to follow the lies that cloud our vision.  

Now the true test is to prove that this movement is real and what is intended to be will continue to grow. We are all people with a unique story of their life that paints a picture of who you have become today. The beauty of a picture can be seen from many different perspectives, with many meanings seen by various eyes and impact those who you do not even know are looking.  When you realize that being the best you can be every day with the intention of being pure and real, than there is no way you can fail. 

Failure is a victory that gives you the knowledge to know the difference between what path your life will take next.  I will create my destiny by living for “me.”

Peace of mind.

 "No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today."

 



Trust Your Struggle.

"If you feel the pain of the struggle, you know its worth the fight. "

 

Being a Woman... I'm only human!

Sometimes you just want to kick something..... I know I do, and today is one of those days.

Lets start with the petty shit....

**Please keep in mind that this may offend some people and it is only meant to be real.**
Facebook-
Why did no one like what I posted?
Why does she always "like" my girlfriends posts....?
Who the hell says that!?
Oh she gained a little...........
Look at her hair!!!!!!!
Hmmmmmm...I wonder about those two, are they dating now???
How come my girlfriend didn't "like" mine and did hers???
OMG, they posted ANOTHER picture of themself! Beh! Work-
Running late again, but for some reason its bugging me today out of every other day I'm late.
Why do I have to sit next to her? She talks too loud!
Gosh! His laugh makes me want to kick babies!
Another dumb email..
Who shit in here! I know its a bathroom but go downstairs.
I was hoping our managers would bring breakfast today so I didn't eat. (Never happened.)
Is is time to go yet? (Clock says 10:23am) Driving-
Why did I have to buy this POS with a tape player!
Morning Zoo not so funny today.
I should be driving that car cause that lady doesn't look good driving it.
What would happen if I just ran off the road?
WTF are you looking at...!
I think you get the gist of it.

I came to a realization petty is silly but there is a method to my madness. Its called PMS!

The only time I tend to care about the smallest matters of my day and other's days is when the retched

Aunty Flow is knocking on my door. What do you do? Not a damn thing. I can kick, scream, point fingers, cuss, and especially pout which probably happens without me really knowing.

But guess what??

I'm only human.

The Reality of Relationships

Where do you fall short in your relationship?

Kennedy: I was recently faced with a harsh reality that relationships never stay the same. What does that mean?!

I am a hopeless romantic who thought that the beginning of a relationship can, and always will, remain the same. Boy was I fooled! Marylyn has showed me there is so much more involved when you find that “one” person that challenges you, loves and accepts who you are, and more than ever—drives you crazy!

I have been in relationship after relationship that failed either because I wasn’t ready, she was straight and wouldn’t be “out,” or because there simply was no substance behind the first couple months of sex and infatuation.
As women, we are emotional creatures, and for me, I played off of their emotions and the fact that they were into me—and that was it! Later, I realized there were no brains behind the operation... physical chemistry quickly faded, and reality set in... Eight months later, there I was, trying to find my way out! My therapist explained it as such:

• The relationships where lust and sexual drive are super apparent right from the start, are usually just that; sex. Someone to fill your need at that time. In most cases, these relationships are not long lasting.

On the flip side, the relationships where things are intense and attraction and interaction are there, seem to be the ones where sexual and emotional depth doesn’t comes easy. The ones that last are the relationships that take time to perfect; improving mental aspects and gaining understanding when it comes to one another’s Love Language.

These are the ones that make the fight worth it. These are the ones that keep you interested and engaged, wanting more, and truly wanting to be there… Working and striving to be better, together!

Marilyn often says “there are constant peaks and valleys in any healthy/functioning relationship and life.” You mean, we’re not in the honeymoon phase forever?

For some reason, we’ve noticed in the SLC “Scene,” lesbians go through more relationships than socks! And to top it off, they hook up with their best friend’s ex, venture off to other circles of lesbians and invade their lives, or just go back and forth for months—or even years—with their previous relationship.

What is it about us women that makes us think the grass is greener on the other side? We often do not set ourselves up for success, either by staying in something for too long, or not really giving it a fair fight from the get go. **Remember our vantage point may be very different from yours*

Commitment!

When I met Marilyn I was unsure, out of fear, and made some choices that didn’t always boast confidence in our relationship. Luckily she was different; she was bold, upfront, and honest. She showed me the difference between “her” and “them” (them being my past relationships). I struggled with boundaries because I was so used to the way our community, at times, misrepresented them. (Boundaries: what imaginary line exists? Depending on Intention of either party, matters. What is going too far or unacceptable when you’re in a relationship? Many times I found myself having to ask “How would I feel if Marilyn was doing or allowing these same types of things to happen?”) And finally, trust. “Who can you trust,” I thought.

Marylyn has taught me a lot. She taught me a relationship is about meeting each other half way, she showed the best form of patience that she was capable of, and ultimately, she showed me love in a way no other was ever willing to do. Good or bad she fought for us and I fought for her.

To my surprise we are still fighting. Fighting to improve, understand, and take the good with the bad when it comes to growth. I am not the easiest person to be with, but I have met my match. She is by my side through it all and has shown commitment and dedication to us and our lives together.

When you find that one person that will put up with the things that others will not, care to have the uncomfortable conversations that come with ANY relationship, truly wants to be better (as well as assisting you in being better), makes you feel loved in the most surprising moments, and you can truly be you with—Commitment is necessary to make it work.

Our biggest lessons learned are the following:
1. Understand your role in the problem and take accountability when it comes to action.
2. My needs aren’t the only needs that should be met.
3. Relationships are a full-time job, but when worked at with love and compassion, there is a sense of approval.
4. If worse comes to worse, only then can you walk away holding your head high, knowing you gave it all you could.


So I ask you… do you know where you fall short in your relationship?

Yours Truly,
Kennedy—Monroe

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries."

My mind can often run away from me at times.  I find that internal dialogue that prevents me from thinking of anything else but that moment.  This moment is not of "clarity" or a mental "breakthrough." It is the fact that the mind is such a powerful tool that creates scenario, builds emotion, allows you to feel, brings you to the best and worse moments of a day.  I often look into my mind and get lost in so many thoughts throwing me for not only a loop but in state of confusion.

Where do you go from here?


Own your mind. 

Do not let your thoughts overwhelm who you are.  The more we know the more we questions, then followed by judgement, and picking apart everything and that my friends, is ugly.  Separate your past and your "now," by acknowledging your accomplishments and knowing who you are today.  It does not matter on who you were or what you have done but allow yourself to become greater. Time passes and time heals all wounds.  We all have a story and a past, once we recognize that change can happen for the rest of our lives, we can make a difference in how we see ourselves.